


Which Witch

by MelodramaticMrTails



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Minecraft, Blood, Drug Use, Gen, Minor Violence, Witch!Ray
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 21:38:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5681785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodramaticMrTails/pseuds/MelodramaticMrTails
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would you do to make your dreams come true? Make a deal with a witch? Make a promise with a mean, cruel, terrifying host’s abomination? Well, not quite.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Which Witch

He's nervous. He's nervous and he's scared. It's been an ordeal making his way through the forest in search of the 'summoning bowl'. He's had to fight off creepers, skeletons, zombies, and fuck, giant spiders. Not to mention aggroed wolves and killer rabbits. He didn't even know they lived out in these parts.

He's made it, though. He's found the unmistakable rose shaped stone bowl that should allow him to summon the witch. Of course, many people have warned him not to but as the rumors have it, this is an easy witch to deal with and he doesn't have a lot of other choices. The stone bowl sits right in front of a little hut made of nothing more than some cobblestone and unprocessed wood. He can even see the witch lying inside it, sleeping away peacefully for the time being.

He wonders exactly what's stopping him from just waking it up. Or, he supposes, just killing it. Claiming to have killed a witch would probably provide the same results. Then again, it is a witch and would probably just explode him or something. He decides not to do either of these things and instead hurriedly digs into his inventory to find the sash of herbs inside.

He empties them into the bowl and quickly sets fire to them with a bit of flint and steel. For a few seconds, nothing happens. Then all at once, the witch sits up suddenly and nearly bashes its head on the roof of its tiny shack. It looks around tiredly and confused before finally looking at him. This only manages to make him even more nervous.

The witch doesn't immediately try to attack him, though, instead slowly crawling out from its home and dragging itself in front of the stone bowl. It yawns widely, human teeth inside its mouth, and fondly sits with its elbows on the side of the bowl, inhaling the heavy smoke the marijuana produces. After it has a moment or two to awaken, it looks at him curiously.

"You do this?" it asks.

"Uh, yeah?" he replies warily.

"This is some good shit," it compliments. He's glad it thinks so, at least. Now that it's awake, he doesn't think he can win a fight with it. "You got something to eat?"

"Oh, yeah," he says hurriedly and finds the meal in his inventory again. "Here. An offering for you. You are the witch, right?" He holds the bundled food out carefully and the witch takes it without a second thought, tearing it open and scarfing down large chunks of meat; not human teeth. The sight of the maw of shark teeth startle him and rightfully so. The witch doesn't notice and doesn't care.

"I'm _a_ witch," it answers. "Who are you?"

"I'm Geoff," he introduces quickly. "Geoff Ramsey of Achievement."

"Achievement?" it questions between bites of food. "Where's that?"

"About two thousand blocks south from here," Geoff explains.

"Huh. I don't remember that being there," it murmurs. Geoff wonders how long it's been asleep. He waits patiently for it to finish eating, not wanting to do anything to possibly anger it and assure his quick death. When it's finished, it looks at him again.

"So what do you want? You got some more food?" it asks with a pointed nod to Geoff's bag. Fortunately, Geoff always travels with extra food in case he gets lost. He pulls out a few more steaks to hand over and the witch gladly hums as it gnaws on them.

"I want to make a deal with you," Geoff states clearly.

"Okay, cool," it agrees without hesitation. "What kind of deal?"

"I want to be king," Geoff says confidently. He's heard witches can smell uncertainty. Honestly, Geoff can't smell anything besides weed but he also supposes he's not the witch.

"Nah, I can't do that," it says. Geoff's heart drops. "Well I could," it corrects. "But I don't think you'd like being beheaded."

"No, I can't say I would," Geoff admits with great disappointment.

"I can help you become a king, though," it assures. "I can give you the resources and power to allow you the opportunity to be king." Geoff lights up again. He can work with this.

"Yes, okay, that's perfect," he agrees gladly.

"What do I get, though?" it insists shortly. Geoff had thought about this on his trip over here but he hasn't come to a firm conclusion. He knows what he certainly won't give up, though. No witch anywhere can have his kid, even if said kid might never be born. If he can manage it, he doesn't want to give away his soul, either, even if he won't be using it after death.

"What- what do you want?" Geoff asks nervously.

"What you got?" the witch answers. Geoff takes this to mean the witch doesn't have anything in mind that it wants. This is probably to Geoff's favour. He glances over the witch momentarily and the witch looks back at him, still grinding through mouthfuls of meat.

"Food?" Geoff says with an upward inflection. The witch seems to be interested in what he has to say. "I can bring you food yearly for the rest of my life?" he offers and the witch stares at him unhappily. Geoff quickly makes to fix his error. "I mean, monthly for the rest of my life?"

"Humans don't live very long," the witch mentions uninterestedly.

"I can get someone else to do it," Geoff promises without thinking about it. "I'll make sure someone brings you food monthly for, uh, two hundred years?" The witch mulls it over to itself quietly for a few seconds. In the meantime, Geoff considers what else he can offer. He supposes he can offer someone else's soul but, god, what an awful thing to do.

"Alright," the witch agrees. "I'll make this deal with you. Just know, if you don't hold up your end of the bargain, your blood and your bone and your land will suffer for it. I will take back everything I've given you and everything you got because of me. Still want to deal?" Geoff swallows thickly. What exactly did that mean? Was his family going to be cursed if he fell through on his part? Would his kingdom fall? For as long as he lives, he can keep up his bargain but what about after that? How could he be sure someone else would follow through?

He'll cross that bridge when he gets to it, he supposes.

"Yeah, I still want to deal," Geoff agrees. The witch nods and moves around the rose bowl towards Geoff. It being this close to him only makes him far more nervous and his heart thumps away a thousand blocks a minute. Without much warning, the witch grabs his chin and kisses him full on the mouth. Though it wasn't exactly sudden, Geoff wasn't expecting it and thus doesn't know what to do.

He doesn't have time to think about very long because almost instantly, his tongue is on fire. He nearly yanks himself away before thinking better of it and quietly suffering while the witch works. It's over quick, at least and the witch moves back to its own side of the bowl contently. Geoff rubs his tongue in his mouth in confusion, trying to figure out what it did. The pain has gone and he can't feel anything dramatically different. The witch swallows down the remaining food before moving towards it's little hut again.

While it's busy, Geoff hurriedly takes his helmet off to check his reflection in its surface. He sticks his tongue out and sure enough, there's a little pattern right on the end; a rose. That's weird. This marks his deal with the devil permanently, then. The witch drags an ender chest out from its hut and Geoff swiftly yanks his helmet back on.

"Let's see," it murmurs as it rifles through the chest. It pulls out a diamond sword and passes it to Geoff through the smoke. "Here. Sharp enough to cut through anything and durable enough to never break. As long as you're the one wielding it, anyways. Don't want someone else using it." Geoff takes the sword with awe. He's seen diamond swords before but never like this. They're usually small and thin, a way to conserve diamond, but this one is a full fledged broadsword. It's practically weightless and balances in his hand with ease. He could win any fight with this.

"Pickaxe," the witch moves on, pulling a diamond pickaxe from the chest next and also passing it over the smoke. "Very efficient, very durable, and guaranteed not to break any of your goods like normal picks do. Just repair it every so often and it should last forever." Geoff puts the sword away to take the pickaxe next. He's seen diamond picks far more often but again, never like this. These things are beautiful; godly even. Carefully, he examines it between his hands before putting it away as well.

"And what else?" the witch muses. "Oh, let's see your arm." It holds his palm out over the smoke and warily, Geoff puts his arm in its fingers. The witch grabs him with sudden ferocity but Geoff manages to keep himself relaxed. "And a few extras just in case," it says as Geoff's tattoos begin to move. "You'll never need another map, clock, or compass. Follow the roses, they'll lead you to something good."

Geoff's tattoos gradually return to normal when the witch lets him go and he examines his arm slowly. The ink is in a near constant state of movement now, gently oscillating around his arm and moving fluidly like it's truly alive. He rolls his arm out and his tattoos move with him, forming a map of the area including compass and clock. That's amazing.

"Whoa," Geoff murmurs gently. As they fade back into place, he looks at the witch again.

"If you can't make yourself king with this, I can't help you," it says simply. Geoff thinks he can definitely work with this. The witch gives him a lazy thumbs up before turning the rose bowl over and letting the wind sweep away the ashes. "I'm going back to bed. Do me a favour and don't wake me up when you drop the food off, yeah?"

"Yeah, of course. Thank you so much," Geoff grins faintly. The witch waves him off as it climbs back under its hut. This is so unbelievable. All of this and for what? A small amount of food? It barely seems fair to the witch. Geoff decides to hightail it out of here before it wakes up and realises this.

King Ramsey. It has a nice sound to it, doesn't it? He can still save his people.

\- x -

The forest is so dark out here. He hadn't meant to take so long finding this place but he can't navigate the forest near as well as the king can. All the same, he's made it. He just hopes he won't get attacked by anything in the dark. It's a lot to hope for. The little shack stands just as King Ramsey described it; cobblestone and raw wood not even two blocks tall. A chest sits beside it, likely where food is left, and a rose shaped bowl in front of it. He can see the witch sleeping in its hut so peacefully.

It almost seems rude to wake it up so late but according to the king, the witch has been asleep for decades now. Quietly, he sits himself in front of the stone bowl and empties the little pouch of marijuana into it. He lights it a flame with his torch and waits patiently. Sure enough, the witch awakens almost violently, just barely managing not to bash its head on the ceiling of its little home.

From there, it climbs out from beneath the hut and drags itself over to the bowl. Tiredly, it inhales the smoke from the bowl and promptly rests its head on the edge. Wow, it's just as gorgeous as the king had described. He was nervous before but now he is twice as so. He's only ever seen feral witches before. Finally, it focuses on him.

"You got some food?" it asks. He fumbles to get the little package out of his inventory and quickly hands the pair of sandwiches over. The witch takes them gladly and rips into one of them with razor sharp teeth. That's also unfortunately how the king described it. "Who are you?"

"Oh! They, uh, they call me Jack around here," he explains with a small smile. "I don't- _didn't_ have a name back home."

"In the nether?" the witch asks knowingly. Jack's skin jumps. How'd it know that? Still, he just nods affirmatively. "What do'ya want?"

"I- I want to be a human," Jack says quietly.

"You look human to me," it replies with all lack of amusement. Jack frowns a little. He adjusts slightly to pull his pants off and the witch watches with interest as his legs morph back into a scaly tail; hot to the touch. "Okay, never mind."

"You made a deal with King Ramsey, right? Can you make one with me?" Jack asks hopefully. The witch swallows down another half sandwich as it thinks.

"Yeah," it says. "But I can't make you a real human. Humans have souls; you don't." No, Jack didn't expect the witch to be able to work miracles.

"That's okay. I just- this charm only goes so far. I almost died in the rain a few weeks ago and I have to go back to the nether just to eat," Jack insists. The witch doesn't seem to care but it doesn't want to know his reasoning, either. The king said it hadn't asked him any questions, either.

"You know as a human you'll eventually die, right?" the witch murmurs. "And without a soul you'll fail to exist."

"I mean, that would happen eventually anyways," Jack says with a gentle shrug.

"Yeah," the witch agrees. "Here's what I can do. Since I can't make you a full fledged human, I'll help you with your charm. I'll give you something stronger; you can interact with water, get nutrients from human food, the whole human experience. All you have to do is stay out of the nether. You go back to the nether and you'll turn back."

"Permanently?" Jack swallows nervously.

"Nah, you can recharge the charm with human blood," it promises. Jack makes a promise to himself right there to never enter the nether again.

"That's great," he agrees without hesitation. "I'll, uh, I'll get, you know," he nods to his lap a little and the witch gives him an odd look. "Genitals."

"Oh, yeah. Gross," the witch answers without inflection. It scarfs down the rest of its food and moves to drag the ender chest from its hut. It digs through the chest for a moment before finding what it's looking for and pulling out a small black ring.

"Sorry," Jack says immediately. "I know my, uh, species doesn't really have a gender but do you think you could make sure it's a male human?"

"Sure," the witch assures. "Uh, which ones are the males?"

"Uh," Jack answers. " _Usually_ the ones with the dangly bits I think?"

"Yeah okay," the witch nods. "What do I get for this?" The king had told him he'd have to offer something in exchange. However, he'd also explained that this witch is pretty easy to please.

"Is there something you want?" Jack asks reluctantly, afraid the witch will ask for something ridiculous.

"What you got?" replies the witch. Jack considers it. He doesn't have a lot. Not a soul and little money or values. He frowns a bit and reaches into his bag for his diamond pick.

"This?" he offers. "I know it's worn but, it's all I have right now."

"I have plenty of pickaxes," the witch says without any interest at all. Jack's heart drops. "What else you got?"

"I don't- uh," he sighs nervously. He really wants this charm. He wants to be human. "I could, uh, make you a better house maybe?" The witch glances back at its tiny hut curiously before looking back to Jack. It seems to consider the thought.

"Deal," it agrees. Jack is flooded with relief. "Smaller is better, though."

"Of course," Jack nods quickly. "I can do that." The witch moves around the bowl and he moves away a little out of pure nerves. He knows what's next, the bind of the contract, but it's still a little scary. The witch kisses him and the stinging sensation makes Jack flinch. It's nothing like eating lava. The pain is gone as soon as the witch lets him go, though, and it places the ring in his hand.

Jack can't get it on his finger fast enough. The moment it's on, his tail warps back into two familiar legs and- oh. Jack blushes hard and quickly grabs his pants to cover up. He's a human! He's a real human! This is incredible.

"Have fun with your dangly bits," the witch murmurs as it empties the rose bowl into the wind before moving toward its little hut. "I'm going back to bed."

"Thank you," Jack says eagerly. "Thank you so much. I'll start building your house immediately!"

"Whatever," it yawns. "Just don't wake me, would you? If you don't keep your end of the deal, the ring will break and you'll never be human again."

"Of course," Jack promises at once. It's the least he can do. Wow, he's a human now. He needs a last name now, doesn't he? Jack Pattillo the human. This changes everything. He hurriedly tugs his pants back on to start back home. Now he can marry. Now he can love.

He can't wait to tell the king.

\- x -

This is the place. She knows this is the place by the rose shaped stone bowl and the small house made of birch planks. It's small, hardly enough room to lie in and lacks a door instead only having an open doorway. A chest sits beside said doorway where food is probably left and a sign hangs above it that simply reads 'caution; sleeping witch'. Inside, she can see it sleeping, stretched out on the wood floor comfortably. It's so small.

Apparently the witch will sleep through anything and everything. She peers in the chest to find it's nearly full of a random assortment of foods. Some of it looks like it's been here for years. There is one sure way to wake it up, though, as the kings have told her. She takes the bag Jack had given her and empties it into the rose bowl. Already she has food ready to offer up to the witch. Feeding it makes it easier to deal with supposedly.

She alights the herbs and once the smoke wafers into the little home, the witch sits upright immediately. It looks around questioningly like it's not sure where it is before walking out of its home and sitting itself in front of the bowl. With a show of flat teeth, it yawns and breathes deeply from the smoke before looking at her.

Immediately, she holds out the wrapped fish.

"Oh sweet," it says gladly as it accepts the offering and begins gobbling it down with great hunger. It really must not awaken very often. Once it's eaten a few of the fish, it turns its attention to her again. "Who're you?"

"Lindsay," she answers politely. "From Achievement City."

"City?" it murmurs questioningly. "It's a city now?" It must have been asleep for a long time.

"Ever since the king took over, yeah," she informs. The witch makes an impressed face. It really is as cute as they say. Witches are usually feral and ugly; attacking anything that comes too close including each other. She wonders what happened to this one.

"Well, you want something?" it asks. Lindsay nods affirmatively.

"I need to hunt," she says firmly. "My family are all hunters but- the sickness has taken them."

"Okay?" the witch replies with clear bemusement. "What do you want from me?" Lindsay frowns. Honestly, she doesn't know. She should just ask it to heal her family but the kings had warned her not to ask the witch for anything for anyone else.

"I'm a good hunter," she promises. "I'm great but it's not enough to take care of my entire family for who knows how long. I want," she breathes deeply. "I want to hunt like a beast."

"I can do that," the witch agrees after a moment. "You want to be a beastfolk?" Lindsay swallows hard but she nods again. If she could hunt like that she'd be able to go far beyond what an average human could. It has great downsides, she knows, but she can deal with those.

"You know beastfolk don't have souls, right?" it says as it grinds fish bones between its teeth. "You'll lose yours."

"I know," Lindsay assures. "It's okay."

"I can keep it safe for you," it promises. Lindsay looks at the witch for a moment before grinning.

"Yes, thank you," she says happily.

"What do I get?" it asks. This she's ready for. She knew it'd want something in return and she's prepared.

"I'll make you something out of the first thing I kill on every new moon and bring it here," Lindsay offers. "Until I can no longer hunt."

"Gross," the witch answers but it seems to mull the idea over before shrugging. "Alright. You understand that as a beastfolk you'll live much longer than the humans around you, right? Still want this?"

"I know," Lindsay nods again. "It's okay." The witch shrugs. As it moves around the bowl, Lindsay moves to meet it. The deal is sealed with a kiss that burns her tongue for such a short moment. It's worth it, though. The witch returns to the other side of the bowl and glances toward the sky.

"Tomorrow on the new moon, walk a thousand blocks south of your home and build a one block room, two blocks high without a roof out of lapis blocks. Stay in this room until you see the white of the moon," the witch explains.

"That's it?" Lindsay confirms. That's easy. She can definitely do that.

"Yep," the witch assures. "You'll be able to choose when you're a beast except on the full moon. As long as you're in its light, you'll be beast."

"Yes, that's great," Lindsay agrees enthusiastically. She can save her family from poverty now and more importantly, from the sure death it would bring.

"If you don't keep your end of the deal, you'll be beast forever," the witch warns. She has no plans on breaking her end of the deal. "And you'll be the hunted."

"I understand," she says firmly.

"I'm going back to sleep," the witch yawns and it turns over the rose bowl to empty the ashes. "Try not to wake me with your dead stuff." Lindsay can't imagine she'd be able to wake it without intention. It returns to its little house and flops back on the floor to go back to bed.

"Thank you," she murmurs after it quietly. It waves her off. She gets to her feet quickly to start back home. She has to tell her family. They're going to be okay!

Perhaps she won't mention being a beastfolk now, they probably won't like that too much. Her family is more important than her soul. Besides, the witch is watching it.

\- x -

This looks like the place. She had described it to him as a small house with a stone bowl out front shaped like a rose. Two chests sit stacked on top of one another to one side of the entry way and one sits on the other side. He peers inside the home curiously and sure enough, a small figure lays sleeping under a thick, furry blanket. That must be the witch. The only sure way to wake it up without pissing it off is to smoke it out.

He sits in front of the bowl and goes to work without hesitation, filling it with the weed Lindsay had sold him. He knows what he wants and he knows what he's going to give to get it. Now that he's here, it seems so dumb but he is here and he's going to go through with it no matter what. He sets the bowl a blaze and retrieves the food offering from his inventory to have ready.

The smoke fills into the hut gradually but the witch doesn't awake like she said it would. After a few moments though, it sits up sharply and proceeds to sit perfectly still. The blanket that covers its head seems to have disoriented it and upon realising this, the witch yanks it off and examines the blanket questioningly. It doesn't hold its interest long.

Instead, the witch pads out of its hut and sits itself on the opposite side of the bowl to inhale the heavy smoke. When it looks at him, he thrusts his hands out to offer the food he's brought. It takes the bundle gladly.

"Man, you guys are getting good at this," it mentions with a lazy yawn before beginning to shred into the bread with razor teeth. He waits until it's finished eating a couple before speaking.

"You make deals, right?" he asks desperately. He wants to do this before he can change his mind.

"I guess," the witch answers. "Who are you, again?"

"Oh," he says sheepishly. "Sorry. I'm Gavin the Free of Achievement City."

"I don't know when your people started doing this whole ritual thing but I'm digging it," the witch assures with another punctual yawn. That's good news, actually. At least Gavin knows he hasn't made it angry or something. Witches are terrifying. He can't stop staring at those teeth. "What kinda deal you want?"

"I- I want to be the best archer in Achievement City," Gavin explains in a single breath. "If I can do that, the kings will surely recruit me into their army. I'm more useful than just a record boy!"

"Jeez," the witch replies faintly. "Chill. I can do that, don't bore me with backstory." They said the witch never asked many questions. It doesn't seem to care why anyone wants anything, simply fulfilling requests at such small prices. Gavin is kind of glad for this, though. Just thinking about having to explain himself makes him realise how unimportant it really is. He's making a deal with a witch to impress two people who will never be impressed by a poor kid like him.

"What do I get?" the witch inquires as it chows away at the excess of bread.

"Ah, right. I'm not very wealthy but I found these a while back," Gavin murmurs as he fetches the emeralds from his inventory. "They're ancient, I guess. Practically worthless."

"Why would I want them?" the witch answers shortly.

"I don't know! I thought witches liked stuff like this!" Gavin insists loudly. "What- what about this? It's a wither skull. I found it in the nether." He hurriedly yanks it out of his inventory to show off but the witch continues to be unimpressed.

"Look man, I don't want your junk. What am I going to do with this stuff?" it insists. While Gavin sees its point, he doesn't have anything else.

"I don't have a lot, I'm sorry, and I don't have a lot of skills not like," he glances over the house one of the kings had built for the witch. "That. That's why I need this! If I can just show everyone I can be good at something, I could- be good at something."

"You really want this?" the witch asks. Gavin nods eagerly. "Alright. In return I want your virginity," it says simply. Gavin blushes all the way to his ears.

"You what?" he repeats dumbly. "I- you- that's-" He doesn't even know what to say to that! "I'm not even- Are you serious?"

"No," the witch scoffs. "It's a joke man, relax. Your virginity don't mean shit to me. Just give me some of your teeth, okay?" That doesn't sound like a step up!

"My teeth‽" Gavin yelps, covering his mouth with both hands. "What do you want with my teeth?"

"Human teeth make good stamina potions and love charms," the witch says simply.

"Do they bloody have to be my teeth?" Gavin asks unsurely. He could probably get some from the hall of the dead or from skeleton archers or something. "I kinda need my teeth."

"Don't they fall out?" the witch inquires curiously.

"Eventually!" Gavin yips. "But they don't grow back after that!"

"Gross," it replies and scrunches its face up. "Whatever. As long as they're human teeth. Say like twenty of them and we're even."

"I- okay," Gavin agrees to some reluctance. He's pretty sure the witch didn't ask anyone else for teeth! Then again, they had better things to offer. That's okay, though, once he shows the kings he's useful, everything will be alright. The witch stands and stretches tiredly before stalking around the rose bowl and entering Gavin's space. He closes his eyes in preparation and the witch kisses him for but a moment. The stinging sensation isn't even that bad, he'd been worried.

From there, the witch pads back into its home and drags an ender chest out to begin searching through. It pulls out an arm brace and pushes the chest away again. Gavin perks up interestedly and the witch gestures for his hand. A bit less nervous, he holds his hand out over the smoke and it affixes the brace around his wrist. Almost immediately, the brace sinks into his flesh and melds flat with his skin. Gavin yanks away hard in surprise. That's not coming off.

"There," the witch says. "That'll steady your aim, sure your grip, and guide your arrows. If you can't be the best with that, come back and I'll see what I can do."

"Cool," Gavin whispers to himself. The green colour to his wrist is sort of odd but he loves it already. It's almost like creeper skin. The witch turns the rose bowl over to empty it of ashes and yawns tiredly as it heads back for its house.

"Make sure you keep your end of the bargain. If you don't, your arm is going to rot off," it assures simply. Gavin's skin jumps. That's less cool! "I'm going back to bed. Just leave the teeth in one of these chests I guess."

"Thank you!" Gavin says enthusiastically. The witch waves a hand at him as it throws itself onto its blanket and promptly falls back asleep. That wasn't nearly as scary as he thought it would be. He hops to his feet excitedly. He has to go try this out immediately! The kings will have to pay attention to him now.

He can be so much more.

\- x -

This is ridiculous but he doesn't have any other choices right now. He's not going to let them kill her! He doesn't care if she's a goddamn wolf all the time! They're not far behind him and he knows it but when he finally finds the little hut and stone bowl, he comes to a halt. Admittedly, he's a little nervous about putting her down but at this point, he figures she'll be safer in the witches hut than out of it.

The witch doesn't even budge as he hurriedly places Lindsay's injured body beside it and covers her up with the fur blanket. Supposedly nothing wakes the witch besides smoke and food. He struggles to get the goods out of his inventory, filling the stone bowl and setting fire to it with a few flicks of flint and steel.

"Come on, come on, come on," he chants urgently. He can hear them closing in on them fast and he doesn't want to find out what's going to happen when they catch up. He certainly doesn't want to find out the wrath of a witch. The witch sits up groggily and glances at Lindsay curiously for a moment before glancing back at him.

"Wake up, you fuck! I don't have time for this!" he snaps irritably. The witch stares at him tiredly but it slowly wanders out of its hut and flops itself in front of the bowl. It looks at the bowl and then to him.

"Did you just put an entire plant in here?" it asks blandly.

"I had to pull it up on the way over!" he assures angrily. The sound of branches snapping make him jump. They're so close! "I need to make a deal with you!"

"Nmm," the witch grumbles back uninterestedly. He wants to yank his hair out.

"I need to protect Lindsay! I want you to make me the strongest fighter in the land!" he insists without hesitation. He doesn't care what it costs, he has to make sure they don't hurt her. The witch considers it for several seconds too long. He can practically feel them breathing down his neck.

"Alright," it says finally. "I want Lindsay in return."

"What‽" he yelps back. Okay, maybe he does care a little bit what the cost is. "I'm not giving you Lindsay! She's who I'm trying to protect!"

"I know," says the witch. It looks at him so coldly. He knew it, this witch is just as cruel as all the others. "Either lose her to the mob or to me. I'll probs just eat her, so choose wisely."

"You what‽" he replies, reasonable startled. He'd have a better chance with the mob! He knew this was a bad idea. The witch shrugs.

"I'm starving, dude," it complains. "I haven't eaten in months." That's right, he needs to offer it something to eat. Christ, is this what happens when that step is skipped? Hurriedly, he yanks a stack of pork from his inventory and nearly throws it at the witch.

"There! Food! Now please, anything but Lindsay!" he begs. The witch stares at him unhappily but it eats a few of the pork chops at its leisure. He jerks back when one of their pursuers suddenly emerges from between the trees. The figure smirks at him cruelly but takes note of the witch soon after.

"What's this? Another beastfolk? Wow Michael, you're just leading us to their den, aren't you?"

"Shit!" Michael growls under his breath. He takes his sword out quickly. There's no way he can win this fight, not with ten more guys not far behind, but he has to try.

"I'm a witch," the witch corrects. Michael looks at it in horror. Why would it tell him that?

"A witch?" the man says slowly. "Even better." Michael looks into the hut worriedly where Lindsay lies unconscious. Obviously it's noticed and the man moves towards the hut with a knowing smirk. "Oh, is your little wolf friend in here?"

"Do you want something?" the witch asks him coldly. Michael takes a precautionary step back.

"I'll deal with you in a minute, beast," the man snaps back. The witch moves so quickly, Michael barely sees it. It lashes out at the hunter with razor sharp claws and deadly teeth, ripping his throat out and ending his life suddenly. Michael jerks back hard, tripping over his own feet and landing square on his ass. The witch starts eating without hesitation, shredding the poor guy into swallowable chunks and scarfing them down.

"Host's king," Michael whispers in absolute terror. The witch looks at him halfly but fails to aggro on him outright. Perhaps he should be a little nicer to the witch now. Michael would feel bad for the guy but weirdly enough, he just can't find it in him. Maybe they shouldn't have chased Lindsay down like a dog.

"Who are you?" the witch asks calmly.

"M-Michael Jones," he answers quietly. "I'm a soldier for King Ramsey."

"You want to fight like a champion?" it confirms. Michael nods quickly. There's still an entire mob out there and even if there wasn't, he doubts this is the last time something like this will happen. Lindsay can't do it by herself. She doesn't have to.

"I do," he assures firmly. "Anything but Lindsay. Here," he insists as he gets to his knees at once and braces his diamond sword against the ground. "I'll give you my sword. It's been in my family for decades. It's enchanted and everything."

"I don't want your sword," the witch replies simply. Michael swallows thickly.

"Not Lindsay," he repeats. "Please." It wipes some blood from its face with its arm and he has to force himself not to shiver.

"Not her," it says. Michael lets out a sigh of relief. "You're going to do something for me."

"What do you want me to do?" Michael asks nervously.

"Reclaim my broach from the beast hunter," the witch instructs. It lifts the dead arm pointedly, vaguely hinting that their leader must have it. That's the one that sent the mob after Lindsay in the first place. "He's broken our deal."

"Yes," Michael says eagerly. "Gladly." He would have killed that asshole anyways. The witch stands and Michael looks up to meet it. It kisses him and he can taste the blood on its mouth. That's by far the least scariest part about it. He doesn't even notice the burning sensation.

"Don't wake me again," the witch warns. It turns the stone bowl over to empty it of the burnt plant and then proceeds to return to its hut. "Hold up your end of the deal or forfeit your soul and your life."

"That won't be a problem," Michael assures. He climbs to his feet with the help of his sword and faces the direction the mob is coming. If the witch has lied to him, he's dead but he supposes he was dead anyways. At least Lindsay will be safe in the witches hut. If any of them wake it up, it'll slaughter them.

"There you are! Where's your little corrupt fuck?"

"I'll fucking kill you for ever putting your hands on her."

He feels unstoppable and he realises very quickly, that's because he is. The witch is no liar.

\- x -

It looks like there was a bloodbath here. He examines the blood on the side of the little hut before peering inside. The little figure he assumes to be the witch sleeps away peacefully inside, dried blood stuck to its face and arms but none of it seeming to be its own. That's a little unnerving, isn't it? Not that he's unnerved. It is a witch, after all. Witches can be downright terrifying at times.

Instead, he moves on to scrutinise the rose shaped stone bowl. Blood has gathered in the bottom, dried in a little puddle that's sticky to the touch. He looks at his prisoner questioningly but the bound and gagged boy doesn't offer much insight. This is the place, though. He sits himself easily and fills the stone bowl with a fair amount of marijuana. Before lighting it, he assures he has food ready and knows what he wants. Apparently this thing can be very ornery if not fed first. Understandable, really.

The smoke drifts into the open faced hut and sure enough, the witch sits up suddenly and looks around. It looks tired but all the same, it pads out of its bloody house and sits in front of the smoky bowl. With a groggy yawn, it inhales the fumes before looking at him. He holds out the bowl of soup politely and the witch takes it.

Not even bothering to ask for any utensils of any sort, the witch fishes chunks of food from the bowl with its hands and drinks straight from it. At least it isn't picky. Once it's eaten a bit, it speaks to him.

"Who're you?" it asks.

"James Haywood of Achievement City but everyone calls me Ryan," he answers calmly. The witch glances at his prisoner mildly before looking back at him again. "I'm a farmer. You're a witch, right?"

"Yeah," it replies. "What do you want?" Ryan digs into his inventory to pull out the skull and holds it out to the witch with a frown.

"This is my friend," he explains.

"Dude, that's a sheep skull," the witch says blandly.

"Edgar is a cow!" Ryan shouts. The witch stares at him sourly. "Sorry. Edgar is a cow and she wasn't always a skull. I just need you to bring her back. Assuming you can."

"Sure," it agrees easily. "What's in it for me?" Ryan drags his prisoner over towards the bowl hurriedly and motions to him proudly.

"This," he promises gladly. The witch looks to the brunette boy curiously. "He's the one that killed Edgar. I'm trading his soul for her back."

"You bring me my teeth?" the witch asks as it pulls the gag from the lad's mouth.

"Please let me go! I didn't mean to kill his cow, I swear! It walked in front of me!" Gavin shouts. Ryan knocks him in the back of the head.

"You shut up," he growls angrily.

"Is that a no on the teeth?" the witch questions again. Gavin squirms enough to get into his inventory and hold out a handful of teeth at his waist. The witch takes them and deposits them into one of the nearby chests.

"Sorry dude, can't trade someone else's soul," the witch informs him. Ryan frowns. "It technically doesn't belong to you."

"But he killed Edgar," he insists.

"Have you tried having friends that weren't cows?" the witch inquires.

"What can I trade?" Ryan asks unhappily. He didn't know the witch was going to have rules on this kind of stuff. It's a witch!

"Can I go, then?" Gavin pips up hopefully. Ryan smushes his face into the ground.

"I'll deal with you later," he assures coldly. Gavin yips quietly.

"What you got?" the witch replies simply. Ryan can't think of anything a witch would want from him. He's not even sure what they like.

"I have money?" he offers. The witch shakes its head. "Food?" The witch shakes its head. "Uh, the power of friendship?" The witch shakes its head. "Well, what do you want?"

"Ingredients," it says.

"Ingredients?" Ryan echoes. "Yeah, alright. What kind of ingredients?" The witch stands and trots into its little home before returning with an ender chest. It sits itself back down and rustles through the chest before pulling out a piece of paper. It hands it to Ryan.

"Uh," he murmurs faintly. Witches can't write, of course. The images are easy enough to make out though. "Three blaze rods, three magma creams, two ghast tears, four glowstone dust, and six quartz? This is all nether stuff."

"Yep," the witch answers. Ryan frowns to himself. He's been to the nether a few times. It's scary down there. However, he's sure he can trade most of this stuff.

"Alright, I can do this," he promises. "That's it?" That seems kind of easy to bring something back to life.

"That's it," the witch assures. It approaches him and Ryan sits still as it seals their deal with a kiss. The stinging sensation isn't nearly as bad as people say it is. It's even kind of nice. The witch takes the skull from him and returns to its own side. Again, it goes through its chest and drags out an assortment of goods from it.

Ryan watches with great interest as the witch works, placing things on the ground with painstaking deliberation and drawing symbols with redstone and lapis dust. Most of it just seems to be basic necessities like leather and filling to make a body. The rest he isn't sure. It's quick work at any rate and soon, the witch is standing back.

"What's it's name again?" it asks him halfly.

"Edgar," Ryan assures again. The witch looks at him oddly but shrugs and holds a handful of dust for him to dip his fingers in.

"I don't know how to spell that," it says. "Write it there." Ryan obeys joyfully, writing his poor cow's name in the required spot. The witch brushes its hands off and then with a gentle clap, lightning strikes the area. Smoke obscures the area instantly and Ryan hurriedly tries to clear some of it away.

"Edgar?"

That doesn't look like his Edgar. Last Ryan checked, Edgar had not been an eight foot tall minotaur looking beast. She peers at him and appears to be disoriented for a moment before obviously recognising him. She lifts him up easily and practically squeezes the life out of him.

"Whoa! Hahaha! Edgar! I missed you, too, girl!" he laughs happily.

"Huh. I messed that up," the witch murmurs to itself. "How the hell did I do that?" Ryan doesn't mind nearly that much. Edgar sets him down carefully and he rubs her behind the ear softly.

"Ah, thank you, witch," Ryan says with a smile.

"What," the witch replies. "I mean, yeah, sure."

"Wow, we're going to have to dig you a bigger hole, aren't we?" Ryan laughs faintly. The witch crouches beside Gavin quietly.

"Hey, what's your name? Greg?" it asks.

"Gavin," he answers.

"Vern?" the witch murmurs.

"No, Gavin," Gavin repeats. The witch very clearly isn't listening to him.

"Do, uh, do humans reproduce with those things?" it questions curiously.

"God I hope not," Gavin replies in mild disgust.

"Right. Okay. Humans are weird."

\- x -

The walk to meet the witch is not as easy as it used to be. Geoff has kept to assigning a few guards to keep the area relatively monster free so that helps his old bones a little. He's not the powerful young king he used to be. The years have been good to him, sure, but not that good. When he reaches the little hut, hardly any different than when he last saw it, he sits himself down with a bit of heft and fills the stone bowl with fine marijuana.

It's only when he lights it that he realises the witch's hut is empty. The witch is gone? Someone had just been up here last month and they assured the witch was still here. Where could it have possibly gone? Geoff doesn't have to think of it long. The witch, likely smelling the sweet smoke, appears out from some trees curiously.

Oh. It's awake.

Geoff is honestly surprised. He didn't think he'd see the witch awake of its own volition in this lifetime. It seemed happy to sleep for decades on decades. The witch plops itself down on the other side of the bowl and for the first time, it actually looks well rested.

"Oh, hey," it says. "You're the king, right? How's that workin' out?"

"Good," Geoff replies after a moment. "I mean, it was great. I- here," he offers as he hurriedly unbundles an extra large helping of steak from his inventory. The witch shakes a hand at him.

"Host no, I'm stuffed man. Thanks though," it assures. Geoff blinks. It's not hungry? He can't believe it. "You want something or what? Much as I like smokin' that herb, I kinda need my rain water clean." Geoff looks at the rose shaped bowl for a moment. A way to summon the witch, he thought. It's just a rain catcher?

"Uh, yeah," Geoff says slowly. "I need to talk to you about our deal."

"What about it? It was fair," the witch insists.

"It's not that," Geoff assures. "I can't keep it." The witch's pleasant mood suddenly turns sour. Geoff tries not to retch back. "Wait-"

"You what?" the witch asks. "We had a deal." Geoff's tattoos burn. He grabs his arm tightly as if to hold back the pain but it doesn't help. It feels like his skin it being ripped off. When it comes down to it, the witch is still a terrifying creature.

"Listen to me for a minute," Geoff urges. "I wouldn't come here to tell you this if I didn't mean to make it right." The witch, fortunately, is open to reason for now. Geoff's skin stops boiling and he sighs in relief. That could have been bad but it isn’t like Geoff was going to hide this from the witch for long.

“You agreed to the deal,” it says again, far more aggressive this time.

“Yes,” Geoff agrees. “I did. I’ve done a lot with my life, I’ve made my kingdom strong and that is thanks to your help.” The witch is not amused and not interested. No, it doesn’t care about him or his kingdom. Witches care for very little actually. Geoff decides to skip to the point. “I want to make another deal,” he says. “My kingdom is not read to stand without me. Between my husband and I, we can’t produce a heir and I’ve yet to teach a successor. These people aren’t ready for a king like Jack, they’d lynch him.”

“What kind of deal?” the witch asks, reluctantly somewhat curious. Over the years Geoff has learned quite a bit about witches, far more than he had initially known. He sighs.

“I want to be a host,” he says. The witch is alert immediately. Geoff has learned that witches make deals not for what they get out of them, asking for things from the ridiculous to the mundane, but rather for the pleasure they feel making the deal itself. Is that weird? Maybe a little. Geoff know even better, though, that a witch loves the thought of infinite even more. Even one as human as this one would never pass up a chance to live forever.

“You what?” it asks curiously, obviously testing to see if Geoff is serious.

“A host,” Geoff repeats with a confirming nod. “I know this land doesn’t have one. It shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

“You know what that means, right?” the witch offers. Again, Geoff nods.

“My soul,” he agrees. “I know. You can have it and I’ll fulfill my end of our bargain.”

“You’ll never die,” the witch warns. “Even after your mermaid does; your archer. People will praise and revile you. They’ll be afraid, man. For good reason.”

“That’s fine,” Geoff says a little harsher than he means to. He already knows all of this; he’s already made up his mind. There’s too much left for him to do, not enough time to do it, not enough resources to make the image he sees in his head. Though the witch acts as though it’d like to convince Geoff otherwise, it’s already moving towards him to seal their deal.

“No take backs,” it insists. Geoff stiffens up a bit when the witch gets too close. He knows what’s coming but it’s still scary.

“Yeah,” he agrees again. The witch need not ask again. It kisses him much more firmly than the last time and the stinging sensation, much worse. Geoff almost yanks away it’s so painful but the witch finally draws back and with him, a smoke not of this world. Instantly, Geoff is aware he feels different. It’s not a bad feeling, just a bit uncomfortable. Though that could be the searing sensation on his tongue.

The witch moves away and with him, the ball of smoke much heavier than it should be. He handles it in his fingers, pulling it away from his mouth and swirling it into a neater, tighter ball that, once steady, lights itself on fire. Geoff watches it oddly, rubbing his mouth on the back of his hand, and the witch shrugs slightly.

“Thought it’d be brighter,” it murmurs despite the bright green flame being significantly brighter than anything Geoff’s even seen. Quite honestly, it seems even brighter than the sun and he’s surprised he can look directly at it without blinding himself. The witch holds it in one hand as it drags out its ender chest, from where Geoff still isn’t sure it keeps it, and fishes out a jar to shove the ball into. The flame flickers out and the witch pokes a little hole in the top before tossing it into the ender chest almost nonchalantly.

“That- was that my soul?” Geoff asks only as a passing thought. The witch looks at him a moment but doesn’t make any suggestion of an answer. That was his soul. And it’s gone, just like that. Geoff was expecting worse, honestly. It’s probably better this way. The witch rifles through its chest for a moment as it searches for something and after several long moments, drags out an almost identical looking jar with a much paler smoke inside.

“This is the old host,” it says. Geoff swallows. He knew this land didn’t have a host, he didn’t know that was because the witch had subdued them. At the very least, made a deal with them. “Gave me the host power and a very sweet soul in order to be a mortal. Something about love, I don’t know. It’s always something with humans.” The witch pops the lid off the jar and pulls out the little ball of smoke that, almost immediately, tries to escape. It just holds the ball in place between its hands, though, and with some force, pulls it apart.

The smaller part it shoves back in the jar where the much more solid orb drops to the bottom like a stone. The rest of it, still light and airy, the witch sucks into its mouth gladly. Geoff is way more afraid of this thing than before. It just ate someone’s soul. Without a doubt, he immediately regrets everything about this decision. That’s a person completely gone from this world and the next. He assures himself it’s far too late to go back now. The witch hands him the jar with the small, marble like object in it and Geoff takes it with some hesitation.

“That’s yours,” the witch assures. “When you’re ready, just swallow it. I’d suggest being very far away from anything you’re particularly attached to. It’s kinda messy.”

“How- how far away?” Geoff asks as he tucks the jar into his inventory.

“Like, probably at least to the edge of the map,” the witch murmurs. That’s a pretty big grace area. Geoff isn’t sure what’s going to happen, but he’s going to go ahead and make sure he’s in a nice, safe, obsidian box first. The witch empties out its rose bowl and brushes the ashes out of the bottom with its hand. “Oh, also, just fyi and all that, don’t dig up the bedrock, okay? Seriously, once you go out that way, very easy to get lost.”

Geoff swallows thickly. He’ll be sure to take that advice to heart.

“You can leave now,” the witch says mildly. “I got shit to do, man. If you need, like, guidance about your new higher existence, do me a favour and don’t bother me.”

“Thanks,” Geoff says sarcastically. “I felt great about this already.” The witch shrugs.

\- x -

Ray nibbles on the petal of a pale purple flower curiously. These hadn’t been here when he had gone down for a nap and the fact that they have sprouted all over the place all of a sudden is interesting. Still, he’s found that they make great dye and are actually pretty tasty. He plucks another petal off the bush and rubs it a bit between his fingers before popping it in his mouth. There’s actually a lot of tasty stuff where he lives now, it’s kind of nice. That’s what happens when you take a nap for a few hundred years, he supposes.

Some of the animals are different, too. There’s little fluffy things with long ears running around now. They’re cute, he guesses. They’re feet are weirdly lucky, too. Ray isn’t sure where they even came from but they’re friendly and he doesn’t mind them. The only thing he really minds is the new, looming structure off in the distance. It’s very far away but also very tall and sort of an eyesore. Who even built something that tall? He knows who, the humans, but it’s still weird. Humans are always weird, though.

“There you are,” speak of the wither. Ray glances over his shoulder at the voice that is obviously directed at him. A group of humans stand just a bit aways from him, collected together with their weapons at the ready. They would look lost if not for the fact that they were obviously looking for him. Ray looks around, assuring that he is in fact by himself, before looking back to them questioningly.

“Did you want something?” he asks. This isn’t usually how the humans treat him. Ray’s actually gotten quite used to the humans pampering him, honestly. Food and nether smoke? What’s there not to like?

“Ramsey may think he owns the place, but I’d burn in the nether before I let a witch like you roam around,” the human spits. Ray has no idea what it’s talking about. Who is Ramsey? Ray’s been in this land longer than there have been humans in it, he’s the one letting them roam around. Humans are ridiculous. Ray plans on ignoring them, he’s not really in the mood for this, but one of them shoots an arrow at him and that quickly becomes his last thought.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Ray snaps, trying to yank the arrow out of his face. It’s wedged in there pretty firmly. That’s weird. “Who just starts shooting arrows like that?” The answer, he finds out, is other humans. Several more open fire on him without warning and as Ray goes to warp himself away, he discovers he can’t. His magic is completely zapped. This, of course, leads to several more arrows hitting him dead on.

Ray reacts quickly, scrambling to his feet and trying to make a run for it. He doesn’t know what’s going on here but he’s definitely not going to stick around to find out. His magic isn’t the only thing gone, unfortunately. As he tries to run, his body gives out immediately and he collapses on himself. He’s so tired all of a sudden. What’s in these arrows?

“Nice try, witch,” one of the humans laugh. Another grabs him by the back of the shirt and jerks him upright. Ray diminishes down to instincts immediately in his duress. He hisses and spits violently as he tries to free himself, struggling weakly and swiping his claws at anything he can reach. The humans laugh at him. This is why Ray tries to avoid them, they’re so cruel and mindless brutes. What do they think they’re going to do with him?

The creatures drag him back to his home, Ray angrily struggling the whole time, and throw him down in the grass. He tries to push himself upward but with the passing time, his weakness only grows. There’s no way a human is responsible for doing this to him. Perhaps another witch is aiding them; he’s never gotten along with other witches.

Ray can only watch as they set fire to his hut and fan the flame bigger, hotter. Fire doesn’t scare Ray. One of the humans throws something on it, a bag of unlabeled dust, and the fire bursts into roaring pink flames. Okay, that scares him a little more. That’s witch burning fire and Ray is so not into it. Urgently, he tries to escape again with little more success. There’s no way the humans figured out how to do this on their own. Humans aren’t this smart!

“Come on, you bitch,” it growls at him as it picks him up by his hair. Ray hisses viciously. Reasonably, he’s hit for this effort. Ray tries to bite the hand as it reels back but he’s too sluggish even for that. It drags him towards the fire and Ray wriggles to the best of his ability. Fortunately, the human lets him go and Ray manages a measly block in the other direction. The human shouts in agony, an arrow lodged firmly in one of its eyes. Yeah, didn’t feel too good, did it?

“Twenty gems I can get his other one, too!” a voice calls. Great, more humans. Another arrow hits the human square in its other eye and it collapses down in a heap of pained sounds. Serves it right. “Maaaaaark Nuuuuuut!”

From over the draw distance comes a familiar figure; the cow creature he poorly resurrected. On one shoulder sits its human friend and on the other, Vern. Ray doesn’t have the strength to sit up but the humans that had attacked him are suddenly less interested in him and more in the humans now attacking them.

“Ooh, get that one. He’s practically wearing a target,” the cow’s friend insists and Vern complies gladly, nocking another arrow to fly. They’re not alone, either. While one of the humans holds up a shield to protect itself, a wolf launches out of nowhere and take it down from behind, ripping its armor clean off of it. The wolf turns to another suddenly but her warrior companion gets to it first, cutting him clean through with a swing of his sword.

“Nice!” Vern compliments gladly. The cow creature knocks humans out of its way without a care, bashing them aside as they try to attack it and brushing off arrows like they’re nothing. It’s friend praises it warmly from its shoulder and Vern haphazardly fires arrows into the small crowd. The wolf and the swordsman rip through the humans just as easy, hardly a care in the world.

Something touches Ray suddenly and instinctively, Ray hisses. This one is a familiar human, though, or rather not human. The nether mermaid touches him gently and Ray growl feebly as it tugs at one of the arrows in him.

“It’s alright,” the mermaid murmurs. “I’m just going to help.” Ray makes a low, warning noise in the back of his throat but the mermaid is careful with him. Gently it pulls out one of the arms with as little force as needed and Ray sighs in relief. He already feels better. The mermaid makes haste in removing the others and Ray is quiet as it works. He’s certainly not going to complain, it’s better than being shot with arrows.

Once the attacking humans are dealt with, the cow creature tries to put out the fire engulfing his hut but it’s a little late for that. Most of it has burned away and what is left is just a charred shell of where he used to sleep. Ray’s lived here for hundreds of thousands of days and it’s gone in a matter of ticks. Honestly, he’s not sure why he figured the humans wouldn’t burn his house down eventually.

“Are you okay?” the mermaid asks gently. With the arrows gone, Ray regains some of his mobility and energy but it’s slow and he is lethargic now.

“‘m fine,” he replies shortly. “Thanks.”

“Come on,” another voice says. Another one Ray recognizes. The host picks him up and Ray limps a little in its grip, unable to really do much of anything else. He’s still so exhausted. “There’s more of them. You’re not safe out here.” He’d been safe until the humans came. Ray can’t argue with this, though, and now he has nowhere to take shelter in. Not that his little wood hut had been much shelter obviously. The host carries him in gentle arms, more than strong enough to support what little weight Ray is.

“Ah, is he gonna be alright?” Vern asks, peering over the host’s shoulder suddenly. Ray scoffs at him mildly.

“We don’t know yet, Gavin,” the mermaid says in a short manner. Oh, Ray will be fine. He’s been through much worse than this before and he’ll be through much worse in the future. This is just an inconvenience.

“Hey, be careful with that, okay Edgar?” the friend urges and the cow creature nods affirmatively. It holds Ray’s water catcher a little more delicately between its massive hands and its friend pats it gently between the ears. Humans are so weird.

Ray nods off a little on their walk to wherever they’re going. He just needs a little shut eye to regain his energy and let his magic flow back where it rightfully belongs. Not very long, just a short nap. When he awakens again he’s in a completely different place. The walls are a light grey and the room is one he’s never seen before. Ray sits up suddenly, glancing around as if to place where he is. He’s never been here before.

“Jeez, finally awake?” the swordsman asks and Ray looks at him curiously. “You’ve been asleep for four fucking days.” He hadn’t napped as long as he thought he had.

“Where’d you bring me?” Ray asks halfly.

“This is the Achievement City castle,” the swordsman assures. “Geoff brought you here.”

“Geoff?” Ray repeats.

“The king?” the swordsman replies.

“Uh huh,” Ray murmurs. He has no idea who the king is.

“He’s the one that carried you here, asshole,” the swordsman scoffs. Oh, the host, right. Humans have such weird names, honestly. What the hell is a ‘geoff’? Ray looks around a bit more, spotting a window and picking himself up off the bed to look out of it. He’s definitely not in the forest anymore. This must be the tower he saw over the draw distance before. This is weird.

“Are you alright?” the swordsman asks.

“Huh, yeah,” Ray assures. “Did you guys build this?”

“The kings did,” the swordsman says. “Geoff Ramsey and Jack Pattillo. Hey, look we were going to patch you up but by the time we got here there wasn’t much left to do.”

“Do- humans not heal?” Ray asks.

“Yeah,” the swordsman snorts. “But not that fast.” Humans are absolutely ridiculous. Ray just examines what he can see from the tower for a few ticks, trying to see what the humans are up to down below. It’s so weird to see them living and working together so closely. It’s a good thing human’s make such tasty deals, it’s really the only thing they have going for them. “So, I never really got to thank you for what you did.” Ray looks at the human again. He has no idea what he did.

“We made a deal?” the swordsman insists. Ray doesn’t remember. The human sticks out its tongue to show the mark on its tongue and Ray nods agreeable. Obviously they made some sort of deal. “Fuck, I was just trying to say thank you, okay? And sorry for being so rude. It wasn’t like my life was in danger or anything.”

“Yeah man,” Ray assures. “Don’t worry about it.” The swordsman doesn’t seem satisfied with this. Honestly, Ray’s having trouble telling all these humans apart. They look so alike.

“Geoff’s gonna want to see you now that you’re awake,” the swordsman says.

“Who?” Ray questions. The swordsman sighs loudly.

“The king?” he repeats.

“Right,” Ray murmurs. “I knew that. You, uh, don’t have a name do you?”

“Michael?” the swordsman snaps at him rather irritably. “Michael Jones? You threatened to eat my girlfriend, I think you could remember that.” Ray doesn’t. At all.

“Sure,” he says anyways. Everything turned out fine, right? “Where’s the king?” Michael shakes his head but all the same, he motions Ray to follow him out of the room. Walking through the castle is equally as weird. Ray is vaguely interested, he supposes. It’s a little roomy for his liking, though. Michael leads him back outside and Ray is glad for the fresh air again. It was really stuffy in there.

Outside return the familiar faces. The cow creature, its friend, Geoff, and the mermaid.

“Host, I thought you’d sleep for another decade,” Geoff jokes. That does sound nice, actually. Ray already feels ready for another nap and he’s barely been awake a few days. “How are you doing?”

“My home burned down,” Ray says.

“Yeah,” the friend murmurs. “Sorry we didn’t get there fast enough to stop that.”

“We have something for you, though,” the mermaid insists. Ray looks at them curiously.

“What do you want?” he asks.

“Want? Nothing, we-” the mermaid begins. Geoff cuts it off.

“Just a small deal,” he assures. He gestures Ray to come towards him and Ray wanders forward somewhat unsurely. Humans haven’t been very kind to him in the last couple days after all. In this case, Geoff doesn’t seem to intend him any harm. The mermaid and the friend step aside a little and Geoff motions him to a little building in the middle of his courtyard. Ray doesn’t know what this is.

“It’s a new hut,” the friend explains. Ray blinks.

“For you,” Geoff clarifies. Ray got that part, yeah. “The deal is, you can live here if you promise to stay where we can keep you safe. Sound good?” What weird humans these are. They want him to stay here so they can protect him?

“Alright,” Ray agrees. “I’ll deal.” He moves to claim the deal and the human lets him. It’s such a minor deal, hardly needing any officiating, but it never hurts with humans. If there is one thing he knows about humans, it’s that they’re terrified of curses.

“Uh,” the mermaid pauses for a moment, holding a blank sign in its hands curiously. “I- don’t know your name.”

“That’s right,” the friend murmurs curiously and the humans all turn to him.

“Well witch?” Geoff asks. “Do you have a name?” A witch can not speak its name and even if he could, a wise one would never tell it to a human. Even dumb, kind humans like these. Still, Ray does consider it seriously for perhaps longer than he should.

“Ray,” he finally says. “You can call me Ray.” Many humans have, after all. It is the closest to a real name that he has.

“Ray,” Geoff repeats fondly. “Welcome to Achievement City Ray.” Ray looks around a bit, looking at the high stone walls and neatly groomed grass and listening to all the humans buzz around. He supposes he could get used to this. Why not? He grins a little.

“Yeah. Cool.”


End file.
